The Art of Winning Friends and Influencing People
Some books don’t just change your behavior—they change the way you see the world. Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is exactly that kind of book. Although written years ago, every page still feels fresh, alive, and full of life itself. When I first read it, I realized that communication isn’t as natural a skill as we think—it’s a learned and cultivated art.
Even though I work in a systematic field like accounting, I encounter human mistakes the most: misunderstandings, pride battles, silent resistance… Carnegie’s words reminded me: “Winning in human relations starts not with being right, but with understanding.”
🧠 1️⃣ The Power of Empathy, Not Criticism
Carnegie’s first message is clear: Criticism doesn’t fix anything. Yet we often try to correct people and lose them in the process. After reading the book, instead of criticizing a colleague at work who made a mistake, I tried to understand why. I realized that people respond not to attacks but to support—and support breeds trust, not defense.
"When people criticize you, listen instead of defending yourself. Understanding is the first step to winning."
💬 2️⃣ Learning to Say “You” Instead of “I”
One line from the book stuck with me:
"The way to a person’s heart is through things that matter to them."
It’s so simple, yet so often forgotten. Showing interest isn’t just talking about someone—it’s truly listening. Now, in meetings or daily conversations, I notice that when someone feels heard, a connection forms—and that connection is the real influence.
💼 3️⃣ Leading People with Respect
In the world of accounting, numbers rule—but behind those numbers are people. When a colleague made a mistake, I used to immediately say, “Fix this.” Now I say, “Let’s look at it together—where did it get stuck?” Just a single sentence changes the whole atmosphere. Carnegie calls this “respectful guidance,” and he’s right. Respect doesn’t undermine discipline; it strengthens it.
💡 4️⃣ Listen to Win, Not Just to Influence
The most impactful part of the book for me: Listen not to influence, but to truly win. Trying to influence someone makes you fake. Trying to understand them makes you unforgettable. Sometimes a silent nod speaks louder than a thousand words.
Conclusion: Win Hearts, Not Just People
Carnegie’s book taught me that human relations start with understanding oneself. Winning people over means respecting their world. Today, when someone asks me, “How are you so good at communication?” my answer is always the same:
"Because now, I listen more than I speak."
✍️ Author’s Note
Nur – Accounting professional and a writer passionate about personal development and life. This article is inspired by Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. All opinions expressed are based entirely on my personal experiences.
